Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Faith and Christ

The following is an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend. He asked me how/why I know Christ is real, and how I justify having faith in the unseen. Here is my answer:

My life this year has been such an adventure, and it hasn't all been good. Apart from my last year on Lifeforce it's been the hardest year of my life, and most self destructive. I've been running from God hard and fast deliberately. To be completely honest I have no real rational reason for why I have done that, for why I consciously chose it. It seems very stupid and irrational from the "Christian" point of view. To all my friends and those around me it's irresponsible and impossible to understand. I can tell you this though, I have learned more about myself and my God then I would have ever learned if this year had not happened.

I have learned that God is real, even if I don't want him to be. I have learned that His Son has kept me and even when I wanted nothing to do with him he stuck by me. Somebody once told me in times of doubt to always go back to that first revelation, when you first knew God was real. So now looking back on my life I see that faith in Christ really did save my life, not only eternally but physically. The downward spiral I have taken this year could have happened when I was 15, I actually know it would have happened if I had never came to the realization of Christ when I was 14. The difference being that I would have died by the time I was 18 guaranteed, it would have been much worse. Even this year, if I didn't have my life, and my conscience rooted in Christ I would be in a much worse place. I tried to sever that root to no avail. That is the first reason I can justify having faith, as well as why I know Christ is real.

I have learned that I really am a wicked person, that aside from God I really have nothing. I know this because I voluntarily stripped myself of my faith, trying to live apart from what I knew was true, and I was miserable. I sank into a sort of depression, I couldn't see a point in living. I wasn't suicidal but I came to the critical point of realization of God's grace and mercy, and I knew that there really was more to life than just living to live. That God is real and always will be despite what I wish was true. The depth of my misery at that point lets me justify that Faith is a good thing.

Things like getting jobs that I am not qualified for, having money when there's really no way that finances should work out, having an undeniable pull in my life towards faith and Christ in every way possible, makes it impossible for me to not have faith and to not believe Christ is real.

Even getting into the Nursing program at the U of C has proven Christ's reality to me. I've known for a long time that Nursing was my calling, but I put it off for so long, and almost put it off for another year. It's a really hard program to get into anywhere and I got in. I know it's God's plan for my life.

As much as I turn away is as much as Christ and Faith is proven to be real and right.